Heartbreak
by Your-High-Lady
Summary: A one-shot of Aelin going through heartbreak then comfort. Trust me, the story is better than the summary.


We're at war.

Well not really. Erawan stands about fifteen metres away from me, covered in blood, now starting to flake as it dries on his armour, fighting leathers and exposed skin. His army stands behind him, a cover of darkness, tainting the once lush field in which we fought, minutes ago. With each breath I inhale, I can smell the blood of those who have fallen as they lie still and scattered. My people, who perished as they fought for the queen, their home.

I watch as Erawan kicks Rowan in his abdomen. Desperate to save my mate, my husband, my reason for _living_ , I run. But before I can take one step, I meet resistance. I look down at myself to see my hands and feet bound by iron shackles, much like the ones Maeve used to chain me for months. Looking up again, I see Rowan. He's looking at me, his eyes bloodshot and mouth hanging open, limply. He's trying to get on his feet, but Erawan turns him over, pushes him to the ground and punches him on the face. Still struggling against the chains, I watch as his face is thrown to the side, blood shooting out of his mouth. Through the bond, I can feel the life draining out of him, bit by bit. I can feel how weary he is. I can feel how badly he wants to live the happy life we'd imagined, in which we would be together, surrounded by our family and friends.

Furious, at myself, at Erawan, I scream, "YOU, COWARD! UNCHAIN HIM! FIGHT LIKE A MAN!"

He looks up at me and blinks, as if the thought had never occurred to him, "You know what. I _will_ unchain him. I'll give him a chance." And just like that, the chains disappear. Now free, Rowan tries to get up on to his feet, but his limbs keep buckling. Looking down at him, Erawan smiles, pleased.

 _Rowan, get up. Get up, Rowan. Get up,_ I send through the bond. A weak _I love you_ comes back in reply.

 _I love you too._ I think, immediately and without thought, _You will survive this. I know you can. You're strong enough. Get up. For me, for our people._ His eyes meet mine from across the field. Tears shine in his brilliant green eyes, and on his cheeks. "I love you." He mouths.

"I love you too." I mouth back at him.

It all happens very quickly, but I watch it as if it were happening in agonizingly slow motion.

A sword, embedded with millions of small black Wrydstones, appears in Erawan's hand.

He exposes Rowan's neck by pulling his head back, Erawan's rough-skinned hand clutching Rowan's beautiful platinum hair.

Erawan puts the sword at Rowan's throat.

I tremble with the need to do something. _Anything_.

He looks up at me, a vicious, _cruel_ smile adorning his disgusting face.

Almost shredding my skin, I yank on the iron chains. A scream rips out through my throat.

Slowly, oh _so_ slowly, Erawan slices Rowan's throat. I scream and I scream and I scream. My voice breaks and then I scream again. I scream because I cannot bear to think of the physical and mental pain he must be feeling. I scream because of the anger and pain, _I'm_ feeling. I scream because I'm angry at myself for bringing Rowan into this wretched world that I'm a part of, at Erawan for... everything he's ever done. At the whole world for not letting us just _be_ together. But most of all, at the gods. I resent them, with the all the anger and pain I've ever felt, for condemning me to this death. For deciding that I (or Dorian) will have to one day, sacrifice ourselves, just to pay for _their_ mistakes. I watch as he falls face first into the grass.

Abruptly, my screams stop as I process that Rowan is... dead? Erawan says something but I don't hear what. My ears are full of this ringing noise that I can't get rid of. He disappears, then, with his army following seconds later. A dark silence settles over the field. I hear my chains thud to the ground, as they unlock. I cross the distance and fall to my knees beside Rowan.

I put two fingers against his neck, where his pulse should be. There isn't.

But he can't be dead, he's immortal. The Fae aren't supposed to die...

"Rowan?" I say to him. He doesn't answer. "Rowan?... Rowan!" I shake his shoulders because he can't be dead. Rowan cannot be dead. The Fae don't die, they're immortal. Rowan wa —... is supposed to live forever.

"Rowan?" I try again, shaking his shoulders. "Rowan! Wake up, Rowan! You have to wake up! I can't live without you. You have to wake UP!" I'm full-out shrieking now. It feels like there's a hole in my chest. Like someone stabbed me in the stomach, drowned me, cut me in half and burnt every inch of my skin, all together. That's how much it hurts.

But I didn't realise the pain could be this bad. After all, I've never loved anyone, as I loved Rowan. And now's he gone. I'll never feel his warm lips against mine. I'll never hear him say _Fireheart_ again. He'll never be able to bring me back, away from the edge of the many metaphorical cliffs  
I'll face with my magic and emotions.

 _Why is this so painful? Why does it have to be like this?_

Distantly, I hear screaming. It gets louder as if the source is moving closer to me. Soon it's loud enough that, it might as well be right next to me. Soon, I realise the screaming is coming from _me._ Clamping my hand over my mouth, I choke on the sob/scream rising out of my throat. More tears drop down my face.  
Taking my hand away from my face, my head falls down to rest on Rowan's stationary chest. Letting go of everything, I hand myself over to the mourning.

My eyes are starting to hurt when I hear the voice. _His_ voice. "Aelin?" My head snaps up to look at Rowan's face. But he's still pale white, unmoving. "Aelin!" I hear again. But this time, the voice echoes. Comes from everywhere and nowhere. "Aelin, wake up!" That's when I open my already-open eyes.

I'm in a dark room. A floor-to-ceiling window is on my left side. The ceiling has glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to it, creating an illusion of the night sky. "Aelin? What happened?" I look to my right to see Rowan, alive and healthy, looking at me, worry lining his harsh face. Fast enough that he doesn't have time to react, I fling my arms around his neck and hug him, burying my face in his neck. I notice, I'm trembling hard enough that Rowan must have noticed too. I hear him grunt and choke out something inaudible. But I can guess what he probably wanted to say. Lessening my grip on him the tiniest bit, I breathe in his scent, of pine and snow.

My breathing now calm, I whisper in his ear, as if the words were unholy. "I had a dream. A bad one… You died. You were pale and weren't moving. I tried to get you to wake up but you just would. Not. Wake. Up. I thought you were dead. I was _so_ scared. I don't think I can survive without you." I bury my face further into his neck and feel his pulse beating against my nose. It's the best thing I've ever felt.

"Well, I'm here now. So you needn't worry. I'll _never_ leave you." He kisses my hair and puts his arms around, as tight as mine are.

 **A/N:** I have no idea what this is. I love writing, it's so fun and I was just feeling really depressed and I needed to somehow put what I was feeling into words. So here it is. Is it good, is it bad, could I improve? Please tell me. And if you have any ideas for a story or one-shot, let me know.


End file.
